After the court appearance was dismissed by the judge, there was really no alternative but to once again go back to that horrible house and environment and attempt to make a go of things. It was a process of learning to deal with being unwanted. I was there but not acknowledged. Janice kept Cameron upstairs with her a lot and would take him back to share the crib with Randy.
I tried once again to find a job, but was unsuccessful. There just wasn’t much to pick from back then with basically no experience and nothing but a high school education. Jesse and Caleb kept with the partying lifestyle, smoking dope, drinking and experimenting with stronger drugs. All someone had to do was mention getting “shitfaced” and they were on the way.
I did what I could to avoid them, quietly existing in the background. If anyone offered to put gas in my van, I would take them where ever they wanted to go. I didn’t grocery shop, I didn’t cook. I just sat quietly watching everything that was going on.
Daily Chaos In The Household
Janice giving her child grain alcohol mixed in his bottle. The chain smoking. Kids running up and down the hallway, throwing toys at each other, screaming and knocking each other over. Then the crying would start. It was like living in a torture chamber, or in a zoo with a bunch of wild animals. TV blaring, coffee cups sitting everywhere, ashtrays running over with stinking cigarette butts. I would just walk outside, open the side door on the van and just sit there to have some peace.
Jesse would leave and stay gone sometimes two or three days. I didn’t say a word or ask any questions. I could have vanished into thin air and it wouldn’t have made any difference.
The lady from Child Protective Services did come to visit after the court situation to follow up. She was able to see the type of environment Cameron was in and the number of children who were already in that home. Luckily, she recommended taking Cameron to stay at the facility where they housed very young children. I think she realized the need to get him out of that house, if only for a short time.
He stayed at the home for about two weeks. During that time, it gave me the chance to ride over and visit. It was so peaceful and quite there. I would go sit in a room with sofas and chairs and they would bring Cameron to me. I sat there in utter bliss just holding him in my arms, enjoying the time.
The lady knew she couldn’t keep him there a long time. But it was so nice the time I was able to spend there with those nice people. Eventually, she said I needed to take Cameron back home, which I reluctantly agreed. Jesse came with me the day I picked Cameron up. Guess the Hartman’s needed to make sure I didn’t try to run with the baby again.
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